Anxiety during puberty

Anxiety is the feeling of worry, apprehension or dread that something bad is going to happen or that you can’t cope with a situation. It’s also the physical reactions that go with the feeling, like ‘butterflies in the stomach’, tension, shakiness, nausea and sweatiness. And it’s behaviour like avoiding what’s causing the anxiety or wanting a lot of reassurance. Anxiety can happen in response to a specific situation or event, but it continues after the situation has passed. It can happen without a specific situation or event too. Anxiety is a common and natural part of life. Everyone feels anxious sometimes. Anxiety is very common in the pre-teen and teenage years. This is because adolescence is a time of emotional, physical and social change, which is happening at the same time as teenage brains are changing. Pre-teens and teenagers are seeking new experiences and more independence. It’s natural for teenagers to feel anxious about these changes, opportunities and challenges. For example, pre-teens and teenagers might feel anxious about starting secondary school, looking a particular way, fitting in with friends, starting their first job, performing in school plays or going to school formals. Also, as their independence increases, they might feel anxious about responsibilities, money and employment. Anxiety in pre-teens and teenagers isn’t always a bad thing. Feeling anxious can help to keep teenagers safe by getting them to think about the situation they’re in. It can also motivate them to do their best. And it can help them get ready for challenging situations like public speaking or sporting events. Learning to manage anxiety is an important life skill, which you can help your child learn. Encourage your child to talk about anxieties. Just talking about the things that make them anxious can reduce the amount of anxiety your child feels. Talking and listening also helps you understand what’s going on for your child. And when you understand, you’re better able to help your child manage anxieties or find solutions to problems. Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Your child’s anxiety is real, even if the thing they feel anxious about is unlikely to happen. This means it’s important to acknowledge your child’s anxiety and tell them you’re confident they can handle it. This is better than telling them not to worry, because telling a child not to worry sends the message that worry isn’t a valid feeling. Encourage brave behaviour. This involves gently encouraging your child to set small goals for things they feel anxious about. Just avoid pushing your child to face situations they don’t feel ready to face. For example, your child might be anxious about performing in front of others. As a first step, you could suggest your child practises their lines in front of the family. You can also help your child by encouraging them to use:

Positive self-talk – for example, ‘I can handle this. I’ve been in situations like this before’

Self-compassion – for example, ‘It’s OK if I do this differently from other people. This way works for me’

Assertiveness – for example, ‘I need some help with this project’.

It’s also good to praise your child for doing something they feel anxious about, no matter how small it is. You can get professional help for your child’s anxiety from a psychologist or counsellor with training in child and adolescent mental health.